MORE TO WIT

than meets the eye

Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history,
with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.
--(Mitch Radcliffe)

Painting is silent poetry, and poetry painting that speaks. - Simonides

Sound barricades itself into rolls of peautbutter when you speak.
Your skin sheds forth so that I endlessly crave pans of fried baclava.
So charmingly heathen, your skin is like a teardrop on a popsickle.
Most certainly, your fingernails stimulate magnetism in the most organic of solvents!
Hermaphrodites around the galaxy desire that you turn your rock and crochet bowl to its loudest setting.
You have the vocabulary of an aspidistra in panic.

VISIT LAVEEN ARIZONA and smell our DAIRY AIR!

McDonalds wants to buy America West Arena and call it the BIG MACARENA.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

Tombstone of an insomniac.: I'm cured. Tombstone of a hypochondriac: I told you I was sick.

Everybody likes sex, except for virgins and only because they haven't had sex yet.

Three tampons were walking down the street. What did they say? Nothing. They were stuck up bitches

An ocean-going tin of crosseyed mussels could never match
the melodious burblings of your sister's husband.
Though I may never see you again, I wish you the warmest clam chowder,
the finest of embalmings, and the best in stainless steel cadaver pans that money can buy.
Your intelligence is equal to the smoothness of a walnut shell.
You turn the atmosphere wild with currents of vitriol when you smile at the passing insects.

The verb 'cleave' is the only English word with two synonyms that are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.
The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning, 'containing arsenic.'
Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
Pinocchio is Italian for 'pine head.'
Camel's milk does not curdle.
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

All porcupines float in water.
'Hang On, Snoopy' is the official rock song of Ohio.

Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of 'Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom.'

If you bring a raccoon's head to the Henniker, New Hampshire Town Hall, you are entitled to receive $0.10 from the town.

The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the 'American Pie' (thus the name of the Don McLean song).

The only nation whose name begins with an 'A,' but doesn't end in an 'A,' is Afghanistan.

Pamela Anderson Lee is Canada's Centennial Baby, being the first baby born on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence.

REDUNDANCY IS UNNECCESSARY.
TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS ARE PROHIBITED.

aching beauty without clothes...she is admired when in repose... ...but 'tis motion that stirs the hose.
--captain rat

Come, let me gnaw your fingernails that I may absorb
and lose myself in the wise and gritty detritus that is you.
Your hair sends forth a sheen remniscent of a wounded man
streaming bandage gauze from the highest church steeple.
Sound barricades itself into rolls of peautbutter when you speak.

Be still, my love, my watermelon rind.
I am consumed with your collection of agile fans and spare blades.
Thine right eye so plitherates that thine left eye doth graze uopn it.
If seen on a disintegrating smokestack, your eyelashes would certainly
compel even a wayward band of masticating cod into a feverish frenzy.
Your fingers sublimate into volcanic gases
with the slightest cooling touch from the antennae of a passing lyre.

REDNECK TEST
You jest mite be a redneck if... You see a sign that says 'Just say no to crack' and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
You jest mite be a redneck if... You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
You jest mite be a redneck if... The Orkin man tells you 'give up you've lost'.
You jest mite be a redneck if... Your neighbors have ever asked to borrow the lightbulb.
You jest mite be a redneck if... You think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.
You jest mite be a redneck if... You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You jest mite be a redneck if... Your dog can smoke a cigarette.
You jest mite be a redneck if... The Roto-Rooter man comes to your house and asks 'What's that smell?'.
You jest mite be a redneck if... Today's dinner was too slow crossing the road yesterday.
You jest mite be a redneck if... Your christmas tree has a deer stand in it.
You jest mite be a redneck if... Your mother gives you tips on how to sneak liquor into sporting events.
You jest mite be a redneck if... You get Oder-Eaters as a christmas present.
You jest mite be a redneck if... You get your oil changed by your barber.
You jest mite be a redneck if... You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.

''When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. THEY'RE ON TV!'
-- Homer Simpson

'Any serious graphics applications still run better on Apple's Macintosh platform...' - Bill Gates, 1991

'Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.' --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.' --ThomasWatson, chairman of IBM, 1943

I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year.' --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
'But what ... is it good for?' --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

'This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.' --Western Union internal memo, 1876.

'The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?' --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

'The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible.' --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

'Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?' --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

'I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.' -Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in 'Gone With The Wind.'

'A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.' --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

'We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.' --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

'Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.' --Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

'If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this.' --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M 'Post-It' Notepads.

'
'You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done--Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the problem by inventing Nautilus.

'Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy.' --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to drill for oil in 1859.

'Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.' --Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

'Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.' --Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

'Everything that can be invented has been invented.' --Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

'Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction' --Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

'The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon'. --Sir John Eric Ericksen, British Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

Q: How do you know when a blonde is having her period? A: When she can't findher pencil and her tampon's behind her ear.

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire...

'Call it a hunch.' -- Quasimodo

'Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?' - Worf

'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy.
'
'Hand me that solar-powered flashlight...'

'Hello, World!' 17 Errors, 31 Warnings....

'Hex Dump' - Where Witches put used Curses?

'Hey, Worf! I hooked Data up to a Modem... wanna see?'

'I am a jelly doughnut.' --John F. Kennedy

'I think not,' said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.

'I'm all ears, hooman!' DaiMon Perot

'I'm not Bajoran. Sisko punched me in the nose.' - Kira

'I'm the Doctor... gotta love me!' * Bashir

'Imagination is more important than knowledge' - Einstein

'Life,' said Marvin. 'Don't talk to me about life.'

'MEOW'...SPLAT...'RUFF'...SPLAT...(Raining cats and dogs)

'Mr. Worf, scan that ship.' 'Aye Captain. 300 dpi?'

'Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...'

# of Vulcans needed to replace a bulb? Precisely 1.0000000

$$$ not found -- A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy

(A)bort (F)ail (T)oss computer across room

(A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (O)verthrow System?

(A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked!
(A)bort (R)etry (K)ill innocent bystanders
(A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort (R)etry (P)retend this never happened . . .
(A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it
(A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the @#$*~ thing!
(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
(I)gnore (R)etry (A)bort (M)eltdown
*
...and sometimes the bear eats you.
.
...no thanks, I'm already having one.
...
...ywercs lla og tsuj sgniht semitemoS

186,282.3959 mi/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.

9.8 m/s: Not just a good idea it's the LAW!

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A cult is a religion without political power.
.
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!
A procrastinator's work is never done.

A truly lazy person is never bored.

Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.

All government is theft, some just steal less.

All right, set phasers to deep fat fry!

All true wisdom is found in taglines.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Anal retentive people don't give a crap.
Anatomically Correct beats Policically Correct ANY DAY!
And Adam asked 'What's a Headache?'
And God said: E = mv - Ze/r, and there was light.

.
Are Cheerios really donut seeds?

Are you out of my mind?

ASCII stupid question, get stupid ANSI
Aural sex produces eargasms.
AUTOEXEC.BAT = Lee Iacocca as a vampire.
Awwww its just a Harmless little Bunny!

Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell Computer
Bad command or file name. Go sit in corner.
Bad Command or Filename. Or maybe you screwed up.

Slogans:
Chicago...where voters never die.
State of Washington...say WA?
Missouri...loves company.

Barnum was wrong....it's more like every 30 seconds!
Basic Airline Flying: Keep the pointy end forward

Behaviorist psychology -- pulling habits out of rats.

Best file compression around! 'DEL *.*' - 100% comp.
Bill Gates made $6.3 Billion selling us MS-DOS?

Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.

Borger King: Have it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
Boss spelled backwards is 'double-SOB'

BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding.
Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...
Breathe Deep, The Gathering Gloom...

BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 2nd Down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
But I thought YOU did the backups...
But of course, it *is* only my opinion.
But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks?

C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files ^^^oo^^^
C:\DAMSEL.EXE crosslinked w/DISTRESS.COM--RESCUE?(y/n)
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\CRASH
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\WINDOWS C:\DOS\RUN\SLOW
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\AMUCK
Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\:
Canadian DOS: 'Yer sure, eh?' [y/n]

Captain! The UARTs kenna' take these speeds!
Captain! Someone has snorted all the dilithium crystals.
Captain, I need to kill someone. Worf

Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero! Horace (8 BC)
Caution: This stuff is addictive...

COFFEE.COM not found: (A)bort, (R)eheat, (S)nooze
Cogito ergo cogito !
Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!!!!
Coming Soon. Mouse Support for Turbo Edlin!
Coming Soon... Turbo Edlin!
Coming soon: Netware for Nintendo
Computer, microwave decks 5-10 until piping hot. BEEP!
Computers ARE the future. Oh the future looks grim!
Confidence is telling someone how to use his Twit Filter.
Confuse people: start making sense.
Conservatism is the worship of dead revolutions.
Contains less than 2% U.S. RDA for this echo
Control-Alt-Delete thyself
Copy from another: plagiarism. Copy from many: research.
Could be an ever-opening flower.
Crime does not pay... as well as politics.
Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it!
Critical error: (S)hout, (S)mash, (B)uy a mac.

CURSOR: What you become when your system crashes.

Daddy, what does 'FORMATTING DRIVE C:.....' mean ?
Dammit, Jim, I'm a floor wax, not a dessert topping!

Data becomes vilently ill with a computer virus.
Data convinces the Coke machine that Pepsi is better.
Data enjoys a smoke after interfacing with the Computer.
Data- 'It IS the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Captain!'

Death: The unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop.
Decay, inherent in all component things. Buddha-last wrds
DESQview: Better windows

DEVICEHIGH: Your device driver on drugs.
Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans.
Did Qmodem originate in the Q continuum?
Difference between a virus and Windows? Viruses never fail.
Direct from the Ministry of Silly Walks.
Do I smoke after sex? I never looked.
Do it now! There might be a law against it tomorrow.
Do not expose this tagline to direct sunlight.
Do televangelists do more than lay people?

Do you know JESUS? If so, tell him he owes me $2.
Does bouncing count?
Does the E's Computer have enough RAM to run Windows?
Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.

Don't hate yourself in the morning --- sleep until noon!
Don't kill the whale.
Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you.
Don't Panic!!!
Don't play 'stupid' with me - I'm better at it.
DON'T STEAL - The government hates competition.
Don't surround yourself with yourself.
Don't Think!!!!! SCHEME !!!!!
Don't torture yourself...that's my job.
DOS is todays CP/M - Windows is tomorrows CP/M!
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
DOS never says 'Excellent command or filename...'
DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself!
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something...
Double your drive space! Delete Windows!
Drive A: not responding.. .Formating C: instead
Dust-balls - The cheap man's tribble.
Earth- Mostly Harmless (HHGTG 2nd ed.)
Eat triticale: 3.56 quadrillion tribbles can't be wrong!
Editing is a rewording activity.
Electric chairs are period furniture: they end a sentence
Elegant Frankfurter - A haute dog
Elvis is alive and doing my laundry.
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.
English is wonderful, when used correctly.
Ensgin Expendable, step on that rock! - Kirk
Ensign Singer... Make it sew.
Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution.
Ensign, engage datasuck mode!
Entropy ain't what it used to be.
Error #1511: Brain Offline
Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow.
Error 96: Dead mouse in hard drive.
Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it
Error finding REALITY.SYS - Universe halted.
Error in REALITY.SYS. Run BIGBANG.EXE (Y/N)
Error reading FAT table. Try SKINNY one? (Y/N)
ERROR: CPU not found
ERROR: REALITY.SYS Corrupted -- Universe unrecoverable
Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Ever have one of those millennia?
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Excited, Spock opens a box full of pointy ear tips.
Eyeing little girls with bad intent, heh.
Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace?
File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
File Not Found. Loading something that looks similar.
File Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ake It?
Files not found: Delete user instead? (Y/y)?
First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin!
Friends don't let friends use Windoze.
Friends don't let friends use XMODEM!
Frostbite Falls Minnesota, home of Watsa Matta U.
Gee Wiz, I didn't know DOS is that stupid!
Gee, I wonder what this key does.
General Failure reading drive A: Please remove your fist.
Give it to Riker- he'll eat anything!
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever...
Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you!
GOLFER--Yells 'Fore!', Takes Five, Writes Down Three.
Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts!
Guts: putting the name 'SYSOP' in your twit filter.
HA! I kill me!
Happiness is a warm modem.
Hat? What hat? That's a helipad for munchkins. - Guinan
Have time to waste? Get Microsoft Windows 3.1!
Have you crashed your Windows today?
Have you thanked your SysOp today?
HD failure: (A)bort (R)etry (N)egotiate (C)ry
He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
He is almost a statesman. He lies well.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
He who throws mud loses ground.
He's ALIVE, Jim. Where did I go wrong?
He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his watch!
He's DEAD, Jim! Go to Sick Bay and get the Maggot Master!
He's DEAD, Jim. Get his ears. - Spock
He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me.
He's DEAD, Jim. Tell the Klingons that dinner is served.
He's DEAD, Jim. You get his teeth. - 'Bones' McCoy, DDS
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Hello.. Incontinence Hotline.. Can you hold?
Help! My computer is holding me prisoner...
Help--I'm being held captive by my modem!
Hey Rocky, watch me pull a tribble out of my hat!
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's Hand Grenades I throw!
High thoughts must have high language. Aristophanes
Hold on- wait, maybe the answer's looking for you.
How can you be deaf with ears like that? -McCoy
How do I set my phaser to tickle?
How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder.
How to defend yourself against a Banana.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me. Terrence

I am immortal, at least till I die.
I am looking for an honest man. Diogenes (325 BC)
I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.
I call a fig a fig, a spade a spade. Menander (292 BC)
I can't tell if I'm a kingpin or a pauper!
I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.
I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause.
I DON'T EAT ANYTHING WITH A FACE!

I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger.
I don't kill my enemies: I slime them! Odo

I don't want to be a cynic, but it's hard...
I drank what?!? Socrates
I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts. Virgil (19 BC)
I Feel Better Now.
I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory.
I had a life once... but now I have a modem.
I HATE it when it does that!
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
I have found power in the mysteries of thought. Euripides
I have to stop now. My fingers are getting hoarse.
I is knot dain bramaged!!!
I know and I know you know I know.
I know on which side my bread is buttered. John Heywood
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I need Windows like a haemophiliac needs heart surgery!
I played poker w/ tarot cards-got a flush -- 5 people died
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
I shave with Occam's Razor.
I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it?
I survived torture. I'm ready to date Lwaxana. - Picard
I think I think, therefore I think I am. I think.
I think, therefore I am... dangerous, that is...
I think, therefore I'm overqualified !!!
I use Windows... on my car, on my house, on my...
I was sane once... didn't like it.
I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
I went mad once. Did me a world of good.

I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.
I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't...
I would like to buy a fish liscence, please.
I'll panic if I bloody well want to!
I'm a analog man in a digital world.
I'm a brain in a vat. Are you one too?
I'm a consultant because I'd rather be self-unemployed.
I'm a figment of your imagination.
I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK!
I'm a workaholic who resisted a rest.
I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar!
I'm Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up Collective?
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact.

I'm flexible... just don't change anything.

I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere?
I'm just a peripheral visionary.
I'm just here for moral support. Ignore the gun.
I'm lost, but I'm still making pretty good time!
I'm mad at you because you were someone else.
I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me.
I'm more humble than you are!
I'm much too young to feel this damned old
I'm neither for, nor against apathy
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm not a crook I'm 'ethically challenged.'
I'm not a minority. I'm an outnumbered majority!
I'm not a real sysop, I just play one on TV.
I'm not a witch doctor-- I'm only a folk medic.
I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV.
I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT!
I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed.
I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged.
I'm not lost... I'm 'locationally challenged'.
I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.
I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right!
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that?
I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T.
I'm only here for the salad bar.
I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I'm practicing assertiveness. Do you think that's okay?
I'm really sorry about always saying I'm really sorry.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention
I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins.
I
I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry.
I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
I'm the leader, which way did they go?
I'm usually awake near the end of the day.
I'm warning you! One step closer and I'll drop carrier!
I'm working on my 2nd $million... Gave up on the 1st.
I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I've got a Mickey Mouse PC with a Goofy operating system.
IBM: When you care enough to spend the very most.
If 'R' is Reverse, how come 'D' is FORWARD?
If a program is useful, it must be changed.
If a tree fell on a florist,would he make a sound?
If all else fails, read the directions!
If all goes well, you've overlooked something!
If all is not lost, then where is it?
If all the world's a stage, I sure got lousy seats.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules!
If at first you don't succeed, cry.
If at first you don't succeed, fake it!!
If at first you don't succeed, forget it.
If at first you don't succeed, join the club.
If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.
If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.
If at first you don't suceed, you're about normal.

If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, What's Baby Oil Made From?
If flies couldn't fly, would they be called walks?
If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a BMW?
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
If I save time, when do I get it back ?
If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
If it works, something went wrong.
If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong.
If it's tourist season, where do I get a license?
If it's working OK, then something's GOTTA be wrong!
If life is but a dream please wake me up.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If only Einstein had a 486DX-33....
If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on.
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
If rich, eat when you please. If poor, eat when you can.
If speed scares you, buy Windows 3.1!
If the shoe fits, its ugly.
If we left the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy!
If Windows sucked it would be good for something.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you can't be famous, try infamous.
If you can't elucidate, obfuscate.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll laugh at you.
If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!!
If you hear an Onion ring, please answer it!

If you redo a batch file, is it a son of a batch?
If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

If you wake up Sleepy and Grumpy, you must be Snow White.

If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen 'em all.
Ignorance is Temporary ... STUPID is Forever!
Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!
In a fit of confusion, Spock uses Scotty as toilet tissue
In adversity remember to keep an even mind. Horace (8 BC)
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
Iraqi rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped once.

Is sex in a cornfield 'Porn on the cob'?
Is there life before coffee?

It is better to copulate than never.
It is far safer to be feared than loved. Machiavelli
It makes a difference whose ox is gored. Martin Luther
It takes a wise man to recognize a wise man. Xenophanes

It's Ensign Pillsbury! He's BREAD, Jim!
It's getting better all the time.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

It's too bad ignorance isn't painful.
Its GOOD to be the King!

Jean-Luc Picard and Mister Clean: Separated at birth?
Jesus saves... but Lindros scores on the rebound!
Jim watches in amazement as Spock's ears sprout broccoli.
Just when I make ends meet, someone moves one end.

Keyboard not found, think 'F1' to continue.
Keyboard: Used for entering errors into a system.

Know a good chiropractor? My computer has a slipped disk.

Lady Macbeth to her dog: 'Out, damned Spot!'
Law is order, and good law is good order. Aristotle
Leave no stone unturned. Euripides (431 BC)
Let each man exercise the art he knows. Aristophanes
Liars when they speak the truth are not believed --Aristotle
Life is one long struggle in the dark. Lucretius (55 BC)
Life without learning is death. Cicero
Life would be easier if I had the source code.

Light speed! Ridiculous speed! Ludicrous speed!

Love comes for you, and you follow.
Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand.
Mac screen message: 'Like, dude, something went wrong.'
Macintosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove
MAFIA DOS..Ey'What's A Matta You? Wanna Try Again (Y/n)?

Man is by nature a political animal. Aristotle

Many hands make light work. John Heywood (1497-1580)
Master of images, songs shine a light on you.
May the Farce be with you!

Meaning of life: [deleted for lack of space]

MEMORY ERROR: Now what?
Men willingly believe what they wish. Julius Caesar
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Millihelen: Amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.

Misfortune shows those who are not friends. Aristotle

Mobius strippers never show you their back side.

Monday is the root of all evil!
More in the mind than the body this feeling.
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there.
Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.
Mr Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
MR. BILL . . .Ooooohhh Nooooooooooo.... NO CARRIER

MS-DOS..MR DOS's sister -- DR DOS..MS DOS's Gynecologist
Multitask- Make twice the mistakes in the time.

My appetite comes to me while eating. Michel de Montaigne

My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

My modem isn't slow- it's 'baudily challenged!'
My mother was the tour guide for Guilt Trips...
My other computer is even slower.

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird...
My train of thought is a Mag-Lev.
Nature does nothing uselessly. Aristotle
Never dare to judge until you've heard all. Euripides
Never judge a book by its movie.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
New book: 101 Ways to Brown-Nose to Success.
New campaign promise: Babble fish for all
New mail not found. Start whine pout sequence? (Y/N)
Nightowls are _real_ people.
Nine times out of ten the statisticians are wrong.
Nixon's Principal: If 2 wrongs don't make a right, try 3.
No bathroom? Just boldly go where no man has gone before!
No falsehood lingers into old age. Sophocles (406 BC)
No human thing is of serious importance. Plato
No man loves life like him that's growing old. Sophocles
No! No! Nurse!!! I said 'prick his boil'!
Nobody knows the Tribbles I've seen.
None of you exist my Sysop types all this in!
Nostalgia just ain't what it used to be ...
.
Not every soil can bear all things. Virgil (19 BC)
Nothing can be created from nothing. Lucretius (55 BC)
Nothing endures but change. Heraclitus (480 BC)
Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up.
O.K to continue?? (y)yes (n)no (m)MAYBE?
Of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable. Plato
Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy nacturations are to me...
Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Once again, Odo wins the Twister championship.
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it/Homer
Once more unto the breach, dear friends -- Henry V
One swallow does not make a summer. Aristotle
Only one good: Knowledge. One evil: Ignorance. Socrates
Open doors we find our way we look, we see, we smile.
Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Chew Carefully
Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.
OPERATER ERROR.. (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)hoot...
Originality is the art of concealing your source...
Ouch! And I mean it.
Overcome by jealousy, Data dismembers the Energizer Bunny

Pack up your Tribbles in your old kit bag.
Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks.
Piety requries us to honor truth above friends. Aristotle
Pizza: Nature's perfect food.
Please return stewardess to original upright position.

Pleasure is the start and end of living happily. Epicurus
Politically Incorrect -- and damn proud of it!
Politics: Poly (many) + Ticks (blood-sucking parasites)
Polluting New Jersey... like who's gonna notice?
Power corrupts, but we still need electricity.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
Pump Don't Work 'Cause The Vandal Took The Handle
Putting on his coroner's cap, Data enjoys a rotten corpse
Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
Reality is blinking again...call for repairs.
Reality is for people with no grasp of fantasy.
Relativism stinks- you can't call anyone a moron!
Religious error: (A)tone, (R)epent, (I)mmolate?
Rid yourself of doubt, or should you...
Riker to Enterprise. Beam down Troi and a six-pack.

ROM wasn't built in a day.
Rome was not built in one day. John Heywood (1497-1580)
Ruling a country is like cooking a small fish. Lao-tzu
Russia has the Moscow Circus WE have CONGRESS!
Sado-necro-beastiality is beating a dead horse.
SANITY.SYS corrupt. MIND lost.

Scott me up Beamie!
Scotty is smoking the dilithium crystals again, Jim
Scotty: What is it? Data: It is... it is green.
Second star to the right & straight on till morning...
Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow! Horace (8 BC)
Self-deceit is easy what one wishes one believes is true
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory...
Sex on TV can't hurt you...unless you fall off.
Sexy: Uses feather. Kinky: Uses entire chicken.
She was using the landscape to hide herself!
She's ALIVE, Jim! Pass the Trojans!
Shell to DOS....Come in, DOS.....Do you Copy?
Shh! I have to use my incomplete, divided attention here!

Sincerity is the Way. (Mencius, 372-289 B.C.)

SLEEP: that fleeting moment just before the alarm.
Snorting wildly, Worf actually smells his own feet.

Spam for me, with a side of crunchy frog.
Spock at Xmas: A pencil sharpener for my ears! Thanx, Jim

Spock/Data 1996: The Logical Choice
STAND BACK! I don't know how big this gets!
STATUS QUO is Latin for 'the mess we're in.'
STAY ALERT! TRUST NO ONE! KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY!

Strangely, Data finds himself relating to heavy metal.
Stranger in a strange country. Sophocles (406 BC)
STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!
Success lies in achieving the top of the foodchain.
Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you.
Support your local medical examiner: die strangely.
Syntax? Why not, they tax everything else
SYSOP: The guy laughing at your typing.
Sysoping: More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer
T'greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. Sophocles
Tagline explodes, destroys BBS. Film at 11!
Talk is cheap. Using a modem gets expensive.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. Euripides
Ted Kennedy's Bumper Sticker: My other car is underwater.
Temporary suspension of disbelief is a wonderful thing.
Tennis is irrelevant. - Bjorn Borg
That Rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide!
That's not a tagline! It's Odo! Sisko
The basis of a democratic state is liberty. Aristotle
The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity.
The company of just and righteous men is best. Euripides
The Computer is impressed with Data's hardware.
The cost of feathers has risen. Now even down is up.
The die is cast. (proverb quoted by Julius Caesar).

The end is near... but wait for the sequel!
The freedom of poetic license. Cicero (43 BC)
The good have no need of an advocate. Phocion (317 BC)
The great man is he who does not lose his child's-heart.
The guy sure looks like plant food to me!
The Ides of March have come. Julius Caesar
The Law is your friend..but watch out for the Lawyers.
The magic of Windoze: Turning your 486 into an XT.
The majority isn't silent- the government is deaf!
The moon is made of a green cheese. J.Heywood (1497-1580)
The more I know about WINDOWS, the more I like DesqView!
The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.
The only good Mac is a big Mac!
The Sun is at the center of the Universe. Copernicus
The thoughtless are rarely wordless.
The UARTs can't take much more o' this Captain!
The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates
The World: A comedy for thinkers a tragedy for feelers.
There are no teachers -- only students.
There are two sides to every question. Protagoras(410 BC)
There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man. Euripides
There is no fool like an old fool. J.Heywood (1497-1580)
There is no happiness where there is no wisdom. Sophocles

There's nothing more demoralizing than money. Sophocles
There's safety in numbers: F16, F11, B2, F15....
Thereisonlysomuchyoucansayusingjustfiftyletters.

This hitteth the nail on the head. J. Heywood (1597-1580)
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!!
This is Elvis. Any messages for me?
This product was cruelly tested on small, furry animals.

Those whom God wishes to destroy, are first made mad.
Time cancels young pain. Euripides (431 BC)
Time eases all things. Sophocles (406 BC)
To be human without passion is to be dead.
To boldly go where no one has gone before.
To him who is in fear, everything rustles. Sophocles
To teach is to learn Japanese Proverb
Too little sex makes you repeat yourself redundantly.
Toodleoo, go with God, and don't take any wooden nickels.

Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
Trespassers will be shot Survivors will be shot again!
Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got were footnotes!
True Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Truth, like surgery, may hurt. But it cures.- Han Suyin
Two heads are better than one. John Heywood (1497-1580)
Two may keep counsel, if two be away. Heywood (1497-1580)
Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
Typed on my Ultra Megger Wallet Whammer.
Unable to load REALITY.SYS Invalid parameter: /UTOPIA
Under every stone lurks a politician. Aristophanes
Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight.

Virus scanner: 'Windows' found. Remove? (Y)
Vote Republican, it's easier than thinking.
Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.
Waiter: Unemployed actor
WARNING: Do not attempt this at home.
Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes?
Washing Windows is better than running them.
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. Euripides (431 BC)
Watch it - you're trying my infinite patience.

We are all driven into the same fold. Horace (8 BC)
We are but dust and shadow. Horace (8 BC)
We are on a roll! Cavorting on the Butter!
We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday.
We live, not as we wish to, but as we can. Menander 292bc
We look for things. Things that make us go.
We need more unemployed politicians.
We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.

Wesley Crusher, please report to airlock 5!
Wesley's temper tantrum: 'I want a new universe for Xmas'
What are you gonna do? Bleed on me?
What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas?

What fools these mortals be.
What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?
What is food to one, is to others bitter poison/Lucretius
What is the avg. air speed of an un-laden swallow?
What soon grows old? Gratitude. Aristotle
What you do not want done to you, do not do to others.
What's all this talk about hellfire and Dalmations?
What's another word for 'thesaurus?'
When asked 'What is a friend,' Zeno ans'd 'Another I.'
When in doubt, mumble!
When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns.
When truth entails tremendous ruin, lies are pardoned.
When you know, you know when you don't know, admit it.
When your computer has a virus, DON'T use chicken soup!
Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?
While drunk, O'Brien builds a leprechaun transporter.
While there's life, there's hope. Cicero (43 BC)
Whom the gods destroy, they first teach Windows...
Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion.
Why are there no blue M and M's?
Why are there so many actors in this movie?
Why bother phoning a psychic? Let them phone you!
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do they call them briefings when they take SO LONG?
Why do those that pay the least complain the most?
Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it called 'rush hour' if it's so damn slow?
Why is there a watermelon on the bandsaw?
Why yes, they are Bugle Boy beans.
Windows doesn't kill you, it's the glass when it crashes.
Windows Ice Cream: Hoggin DOS
WINDOWS MULTITASKS! (in a DesqView window)
Windows to 486/50 mhz cpu: Don't rush me, don't rush me...

Windows: A cute clown suit for DOS.
Windows: big, expensive, pretty virus.
Windows: The best $89 solitare game you can buy.
Wisdom outweighs any wealth. Sophocles (406 BC)
Women: You can't live with them, pass the beer nuts- Norm
Wonderful music. My compliments to the clef.
Word is a shadow of deed. Democritus (400 BC)

Worf: 'Shields failing!' Picard: 'Give 'em more homework'
Work out your salvation w/diligence. Buddha - last words

Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant! -- Daffy Duck of Borg
You *must* be kidding!
You can lead a man to ponder you cannot make him think!
You Cannot Escape! Resistance Is Futile!
You cannot see the wood for the trees. John Heywood
You cannot teach a crab to walk straight. Aristophanes
You gotta know when to code 'em, know when to modem.
You know how to win a victory, but not how to use it.

You pathetic, puny, puking, putrid puddle of poodle piss!
You were a stranger to sorrow thus fate has cursed you.

Your descendants shall gather your fruits. Virgil
Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage
Yours is no disgrace.

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... your Jedi robe is a Camouflage color.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... Wookies are offended by your B.O.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... Your father has ever said to you 'Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot.'
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF... You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
WHO DID THE OWNER OF THE FIRST MODEM CALL?
REDUNDANCY IS UNNECCESSARY.
TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS ARE PROHIBITED.
aching beauty without clothes...she is admired when in repose... ...but 'tis motion that stirs the hose.
'Go then there are other worlds than these.' -Stephen King
'All the darkness in all the universe can't extinguish the light of a single candle' -unknown
'The violent take it by force.' -Matthew 11:12
'the architect had used a prezel for a straight edge.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.' -Unknown
'One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.' -Unknown
'What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.' -Unknown
'To be great, is to be misunderstood.' -Unknown
'A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.' -Unknown
'A person is grown up not when they can take care of themself, but when they can take care of others.' -Unknown
'Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.' -Unknown
'Some people think holding on makes them strong, sometimes its letting go.' -Unknown
'Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out.' -Unknown
'People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.' -Unknown
'When a person wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince them.' -Unknown
'You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.' -Unknown
'To forgive calls upon our love-- to forget calls upon our strength.' -Unknown
'Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?' -Mark Twain
'When angry, count to a hundred when very angry, swear.' -Mark Twain
'God does not play dice' -Albert Einstein
''Countariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be and if it were so, it would be: but as it isn't, it ain't. That's Logic.'' -Lewis Carrol
''I'm very brave generally.' He went on in a low voice: 'only today I happen to have a head ache.'' -Lewis Carrol
''Let's fight till six, and then have dinner,' said Tweedledum' -Lewis Carrol
'If you believe in me, I'll believe in you.' -Lewis Carrol
'Everything's got a moral, if you can only find it.' -Lewis Carrol
''That's the reason they're called lessons,' ghe Gryphon remarked: 'because they lessen from day to day'' -Lewis Carrol
'Speak in French when you can't think of the Engilsh for a thing.' -Lewis Carrol
'What shall become of us without any barbarians? Those people were a kind of solution.' -Constantine
'All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.' -Edgar Allen Poe
'The greatest tragedy in life is to become important.' -Unknown
'Foreplay? We invented it, we call it beer.' -old Irish saying
'I can't make an decision by myself. I'm only an elected official.' -Unknown
'When reason fails, the Devil helps!' -Fyodor Dostoyevsky
'The gates of hell are open night and day: Smooth is the Decent and easy is the way' -Guys Six Feet Under
'The written word is all that stands between memory and oblivion' -Unknown
'There is nothing either good or bad but thinkng makes it so.' -Shakespeare
'In politics, what begins in fear usually ends in folly.' -Samuel Taylor Coleridge
'Genius is one per cent inspiration and Ninety-nine per cent perspiration.' -Thomas Edison
That government is best which governs not at all.'' -Henry David Thoreau
'Adam was but human - This explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.' -Mark Twain
'Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a dbt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.' -Mark Twain
'Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.' -Mark Twain
'Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. [A classic]' -Mark Twain
'Let him who desires peace, prepare for war.' -Vegetius
'It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.' -Gore Vidal
'The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world' -William Ross Wallace
'Why care for grammar as long as we are good?' -Aremus Ward
'One man may as easily destroy, as govern: be King or Anti-King.' -Ursula K. Leguin
'Knowledge is power. Know yourself' -Unknown
'I wish to thank no one because you all are against me.' -Alex Ross

'The amiable but eccentric Blake...said of a beautiful drawing of an avenue of fir trees....'Why, this is not a drawing, but inspiration,'...[Constable] replied, 'I never knew it before I meant it for drawing'.' -Henry Constable
'It's just like having a licence to print your own money.' -Lord Thomson of Fleet
'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.' -Voltaire

'
'Love can mend your life But love can break your heart.' -The Police
'They say that you're a loner,But on that you disagreeYou have a thousand thoughts and dreams To keep you company' -Frank Jacobs
'For it matters not how small the beginning may seem to be: what is once well done is done forever....' -Henry David Thoreau
'The winners tell stories whele the losers yell deal.' -Old Gambler's saying
'Logic can never decide what is possible and impossible.' -Unknown
'I told 'em the truth and they fell for it.' -Harry Anderson
'When the night has come And the land is dark And the moon is the only light we'll see, I won't be afraid Just as long as you stand by me.' -Ben E. King
'Everything comes down to one thing, the end.' -Unknown
'He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.' -Unknown
'Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.' -Me Phi Me
'You don't have to pick the flower to smell it.' -Unknown
'You must have faith in yourself before you can belive in anything else.' -Beel Jak
'Who knows,Who cares,Why bother.' -Unknown
'Invincibility is in oneself, Vulnerability is in the opponent' -Sun Tzu
'Though I didn't get where I wanted to go, I did enjoy the ride.' -God Street Wine
'Dream until your dreams come true.' -Aerosmith
'The only way to find what direction you are going is to get yourself lost.' -Unknown
'Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.' -Karl Marx
'What can go wrong will.' -Murphy's Law
'It takes a big man to cry, but it takdes a bigger man to laugh at that man.' -Jack Handey
'I did it partly because it was worth it and mostly because I shall never have to do it again.' -Mark Twain
'For every man there is a woman, but for some of us there are several.' -The Fonz
'Lose your dreams and you'll lose your mind.' -Rolling Stones
'Better late than never.' -Unknown
'Remember the past was the future of some yesterday.' -Unknown
'There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.' -Bill Waterson
'Don't try to be something when you are nothing.' -Socrates

'The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of a fast approaching train.' -Unknown

'Spring has sprung, Fall has fell, Winter's here and it's colder than usual.' -Unknown
'Nothing matters, and what if it did?' -Unknown
'Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand.' Metalica
'God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. RIght now I am so far behind I will never die.' -Calvin and Hobbes
'Such is your teaching-Big and useless.' -Chang Tzu
'Nothing so liberates the heart as when a fool awakens from folly.' -Unknown
'Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth.' -Unknown
'Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.' -Unknown
'Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cathouse.' -Unknown
'Rape no good. Woman run faster with dress up than man can with pants down.' -Unknown
'It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.' -Unknown
'Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.' -Unknown
'To prevent hangover, stay drunk.' -Unknown
'Virginity like Bubble, One prick-all gone.' -Unknown
- 'When in Danger or in Doubt, Run in Circles, Scream and Shout.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'Writing is a legal way of avoiding work without actually stealing and one that doesn't take any talent or training.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'Democracy can withstand anything but democrats.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'Premenstral Syndrome: Just before their periods women behave the way men do all the time.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.' -Oscar Wilde
'Women seem to have almost unlimited capacity for forgiveness. (Since it is usually a man who needs forgiveness, this must be a racial survival trait.)' -Robert A. Heinlein
'Shrinks are the blind leading the blind even the best of them are dealing from a short deck. Anyone who consults a shrink should have his head examined.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'When it comes to a choice between kindness and honesty, my vote is or kindness, every time - giving and recieving.' -Ira Johnson
'The hardest part about gaining a new idea is sweeping out the false idea occupying that niche.-Robert A. Heinlein
'God created woman to tame man.' -Voltair
'God created man to test woman.' -Unknown
'When in doubt, tell the truth.' -Mark Twain
'There ought to be some rule limiting the number of emotional shocks a person can legally be subjected to in one day.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'God moves in mysterious ways for every masochist he creates a sadist Marriages are made in Heaven.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears that is true.' -James Brance Cabell
'How is this place run? Is it an anarchy?''No, I wouldn't say so. It is not that well organized.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'Success lies in acheiving the top of the food chain.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'The majority is never right.' -Robert A. Heinlein
'The early worm has a death wish.' -Unknown

'Normal battle dress - the very term was distressing. Is there such a thing as normal battle dress?' -Stephen King

'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.' -Unknown
'If someone has ever told you that being good and being brave means you will never be afraid, what that someone told you is not so.' -Stephen King

'War has its own implacable dynamic: the best of the breed are often the fist to die.' -Chris Claremont

'I believe that I am not dreaming, but I can not prove that I am not.' -Unknown
'The quickest way to end a miracle is to ask it why it is.' -Unknown

'If I drive fast enough at the red light, it'll appear green.' -Unknown
'I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings.' -Charles Howard
''