Captain Rat's COSMIC CABDRIVER'S GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE Presents:

VIRTUALLY SCREWED

Sex is a very good thing, it is the lifeblood of human society. Without it we'd probably never have survived as a species. I'm not referring to its reproductive side-effects; it is the desire for sex itself that holds society together.

So, I'm for it. And I'm against those who would try to inhibit it for religious or any other reason.

Having made this clear, I must issue a warning about the virtual kind, cybersex, and its effect on real relationships.
Although obviously cybersex is different from real sex, it is not entirely different. Some assume that because no physical touching takes place, one has not actually had sex. This is only technically true, but not emotionally true.
For those not in a committed relationship, in which fidelity is expected, there is no problem with cybersex, except that it may cause unreal expectations of the physical kind.
But, if you are in a monogamous relationship, realize this: having cybersex is just as much an act of infidelity as physical sex.
If your partner expects you to be sexually faithful, cybersex with another will hurt your relationship just as much as 'real' sex.

Do I sound like someone who has discovered this firsthand? That's right. Take my word for it.

As I said, I'm in favor of everyone having sex, and lots of it, preferably real, but cyber too. But is it too much to ask to have some basic ethics about it?
For example, if the person you're cybering with is married, and you know it, think about what you're doing. If he or she starts to become more attached to you and wants to spend more and more time online with you, it may be flattering and good for your ego, but you may also be helping to destroy a real relationship.
Many people don't realize that what starts out as sexy internet fun can lead to serious cyber affairs that are just as devastating to a marriage as the 'real' kind. Those involved usually don't MEAN for it to go that far, but don't know when to stop.

In a cyber-relationship, you have advantages over the real-life spouse. You're new and therefore exciting. Cybersex can be 'perfect' every time. You are not physically present to spoil any of the fantasies the other person may have about you. You seem to give your undivided attention to the other person, in a way that is more difficult for 'real' couples to do in everyday life.

So, if you find yourself in a situation like that, TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY!
If you're someone who cares nothing about anyone, or you enjoy creating human misery in remote locations, I'm not talking to you.
But if you consider yourself a basically good, honest, caring person who cares about others, remember to practice those principles in virtual reality too.
It may not be easy to say 'I think we're getting too carried away here, I think we should stop.' But to do so may spare your cyber-partner a great deal of emotional pain at the loss of a real lifelong relationship, and that of the real-life partner, who may have done nothing to deserve the alienation and neglect such an affair can cause.

The web is a relatively new form of interaction in human society. It is easy to overlook just how real it is, and what a powerful medium. But that is something we all need to learn. Those are real people on the other end, not figures in a computer simulation. Please try to keep that in mind.

WHAT WE REALLY DON'T NEED

August 2, 2004
The NEW TIMES recently reported the existence of a group of vigilantes called 'Perverted Justice'. They lurk in chatrooms and pretend to be 14-year-old girls who flirt with older men and try to entrap men into agreeing to actually meet them. They attempt to get personal information such as phone numbers, employers, etc. Once they've done this, they do their best to embarrass their victim, calling him a 'pedophile' (which is inaccurate; a pedophile would desire someone much younger than 14), and report their version of the chat to anyone they can, including (supposedly) the police.
While there are sexual predators online, they are just as likely to victimize vulnerable adults, taking advantage of psychological problems and emotional weaknesses. Though reprehensible for their calculated and insincere ploys, their crime is moral rather than legal.
Most real 14-17 year old girls are not interested in men much older than 21. There is simply less in common. And most older men will quickly tire of a conversation in which 'kewel' is frequently used.
There may be a few precocious girls who are the exception, but they would hardly qualify as victims, and they would likely have the good sense to lie about their age.
But there are few men alive who could resist an actively flirtaceous female of any age past puberty, if she seems genuine and reasonably attractive.
Thus, the Justice Perverters, having practiced their role playing, can take their pick of normal sexually interested men and entrap them into propositioning nonexistent young girls.
The vigilantes achieve nothing useful, but do wrong to their victims and spread ignorance and lies. They should be ignored by everyone, including legitimate law enforcement, until they finally slink away and take up a less obnoxious hobby.

---captain rat

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